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player10 winning strategies for success

shangchuan • • 知识百科

While we are busy managing our own feelings during conflict, we often forget that the other person is having the same problem.
当我们忙于管理自己的情感冲突时,我们常常忘记其实其他人也有同样的问题。
Take this example: You’re working on an important project and a peer is unresponsive. You need their input in order to move forward, but they don’t respond to your emails or calls. The deadline is approaching fast. You decide you are going to confront them. You set up a meeting, and start off by telling them that you are frustrated because you need the information to finish the task that your manager needs in just 2 days. You start to feel relieved that you are airing your concerns. But then, your colleague lets it rip and start talking about their own heavy workload, attacking you for being so impatient.
举个例子吧:你正在跟进一个重要项目，可是你的伙伴们却毫无行动。你需要他们的投入来共同推进这个项目，可是他们对你的邮件或电话置之不理。这个项目的截止日期很快就要到了。你认为是时候面对他们了。于是你组织了一个会议，告诉他们你感到很受挫，因为经理布置的任务两天后就要交了，可是如果没有大家的共同协助，你是不可能完成的。当你说出你的担忧之后，你感到很放松。不过,你的同事也开始发泄自己的不满，觉得自己的工作量也很大，毫不顾及你的感受。
How do you handle it? This is one of the dozens of situations I’ve seen that inspired the ten simple strategies I’ve outlined to reduce negative emotions during conflict situations. By using any of these, you set yourself up, and your colleague, to resolve conflict rather than increase it.
你如何处理这种情况呢?这是我见过的很多类似情形中的一个例子。它让我总结出了10个简单的方法来减少工作冲突中的负面情绪。运用其中的任何一个技巧，都可以减少你和同事之间的冲突。
1. Delay. As helpful as it is to face problems head on, putting things off is sometimes a **art strategy. “Let’s talk about it later when we have more time to think it through”.
1.延 迟
把事情往后推一推有时在解决即将面对的问题上是一个明智的选择。“让我们都好好思考一下这个问题，迟点再谈吧。”
2. Expectation Management. Setting the stage helps people get emotionally prepared. “I know you won’t like this, but I think we need to talk about it anyway.”
2.期望管理
给他们设立一个前提，让他们有情绪上的准备。“我知道你不喜欢，但我认为我们还是需要谈一下。”
3. Appreciation, Then Correction. Balancing positive aspects of the relationship with the negative will help reduce strong reactions. “You are very good at . We simply need to adjust ”
3.欣赏,然后更正
权衡各种关系的积极方面和消极方面有助于减少强烈的反应。“你很擅长…，我们只是需要调整…。”
4. Same Side. Sit at the same side of the table when delivering bad news. This reduces the psychological barrier of the table and opens up the communication.
4.同位法
当你要发表一些不好的消息时，最好能和对方坐在同一边。这样的做法可以减少对方心理上的障碍，使大家能更好地交流。
5. Relief. Sharing the range of your true feelings builds rapport, trust and sets the right tone. Try saying: “I am so glad we are talking about this,” or “You are really someone I trust to work this through with.”
5. 安 慰
“如果你能表达出你的真实情感，可以帮助你和对方建立起良好的关系和信任，让你们有共同的话题。记住这样说：“我很开心我们能谈论这个话题”或者“我很放心能和你一起工作，我信赖你。”
6. Leverage Positive. Remember to remember what is going well. “It is also clear from this conversation that we are doing pretty well with ”
6.积 极
请记得要记住好的方面。“很明显，从这个对话可以看出在…方面我们做得相当不错。”
7. Acknowledgement. Seeing things from the other person’s point of view will help them know you are not out to get them, but are really trying to work out an issue. “I see that this is a challenge for you”, “I understand that you are having a hard time with ”
7.认 同
从他人的角度去看待问题会让对方认为你并不是要针对他们，而是真的想要给出一个解决问题的方案。“我知道这对于你来说真的是一个挑战。”“我理解 对你来说真的是很困难。”
8. Your Responsibility in the Problem. There are two sides of every problem. Taking responsibility for your part will build the relationship. And it is the right thing to do! “I see now how I am contributing to this by doing .”
8．问题中你的责任
任何事情都有两面。承担起你的那部分责任能帮助你和对方建立起良好的关系。对，这就是方法。“我知道为了 我该付出的努力。”
9. Your Responsibility In The Solution. Promise to action will ease the conflict conversation. “Next time I will .”
9. 解决方案中你的责任
承诺去行动会缓和对话中的冲突。“ 下次我将会…。”
10. Sincere Apology (If appropriate). Apologizing is the ultimate acknowledgement of any wrong doing. “I am so sorry I created this problem”, “I apologize for inadvertently creating such reactions.”
10. 真诚地道歉（如果合适的话）
道歉是承认错误的最终举措。“真的很抱歉是我制造的问题。我很抱歉我无意中有这样的反应。”
I have found that these phrases and strategies consistently reduce negative emotions that a listener may experience during tough conversations. The key, of course, is they must be 100% genuine. Words that are not backed with corresponding feelings will come across as manipulative and do more harm than good in the end.
我发现这些措词和策略在听者遭遇一些艰难的对话时，可以持续地减少他们的负面情绪。当然,关键有一点是，他们是百分之百地真诚。如果回应的语言不是一致的反而感觉是**纵的，这样到最后就会弊大于利。
The next time you are in the midst of a conflict, remember: so is the person you are talking to! Take the time to consider their point of view and use one of these strategies to increase your success.
下次,当你处在冲突之中,请记住:对于你所要交流的对象：花点时间去考虑一下对方的立场，然后运用以上方法中的一个，这样你离成功就更进一步了。

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